Change

Change is the only constant thing in life. A cliche but true. I'm constantly changing and loving it. I quit smoking. It feels good and funny. Feel like I lost my best friend!
Don't want to go on about how it feels to have left smoking. I haven't done it for health reasons. I quit smoking to test my will power and to know that I control myself and there is absolutely nothing or anyone in this world that I can't do without. The positive and the good thing is I feel in complete control. As I mentioned in my previous post that One HAS to control his/her emotions and not the other way round...there you go, here's the proof. You might say "whats smoking got to do with emotions? ", especially if you're a non-smoker. It has everything to do with emotions. When you smoke for a long time, a cigarette is your only friend, hope...who is with you when you're sad, lonely, upset, hungry, partying, happy, shopping, chilling etc...you get my point ye?
If I can stay without smoking...something that I loved...I can stay without anything or anyone.

Jaka: Thanks for the sacrifice baby, you're the best! ( I know you know that)

Catharsis:a sudden emotional breakdown or climax that constitutes overwhelming feelings of great pity, sorrow, laughter or any extreme change in emotion that results in the renewal, restoration and revitalization for living.

Something that happened today without a warning. It wasn't as drastic though. It was good...I got rid of some clothes, pictures and some clutter that was in my mind and my room. It's a clean feeling. I feel like I have 'organised' my mind and life....anyone laughing? Hope not because I'm quite serious. A sudden CLARITY of certain thoughts and feelings!


There are certain tendencies that a human mind has. (No, I'm not a wanna-be Freud)
One of them is blowing up a person's image in your mind. When you like someone and don't talk to that person enough, you tend to imagine the things that you don't know in a super-positive way. You create unreal characteristics of that real person. Things that you wish he/she had but not really has them. (Sorry if I have lost you here but I'm going to carry on) I have done that before and not realised that I did that for a LONG time. Today, before it was too late...it hit me...what or how much do I really know about this person that I thought I was crazy about?...Nothing really...it's the most superficial relationship/friendship that I have!...I was closer to my maids in India than him (I'm not putting down my maids, mind you, just a random comparison) but yea, coming back to the point, I'm not sure if my feelings for this particular person are for what he is or for what I imagine him to be.
This is not to say that I don't like him. He's a nice guy and we've had our 'moments' ...I like him for the way he is with me when he is with me but it ends there. It's definitely not love. Infatuation, yes definitely. (he's hot)
I'm writing this because this is one of the things that I'm CLEAR about. I won't be going up to him and telling him this or anyone of my friends...It's about me. How I think now. There is a feeling of indifference, which is not a very good thing i reckon...but thats how it is. That's what life is all about eventually.... Change. People change, things change, feelings change. I might change again though... I'm an extremist as you might have guessed by now. I change like it's no one's business and I love it.

I don't know if i have made sense here to ANYONE...loll...i hope i did..but do i really care?...I'm not too sure.

Peter and Jaka: (Assuming that you both have read this)
I really quit smoking for my will power and to not let anything control me. The wish got me through the first week but it's not about the wish anymore. I don't care if it comes true or not and I don't expect it to come true because I quit smoking. (thats the biggest random bullshit that I've ever said to myself) loll..but lets see whats in store for me!
Peter, you'll never know the wish...loll..not that anyone knows, but yea...I know you're dyinggg to know! hahaha...(yea, I'm a sadist)

Lots of love to everyone reading this! (Yes, I'm happy and fulllllllll of LOVE).......... :)